Bad Katie was sitting in her manager Sumit’s office with her feet on his desk, as per her perceived right as a bona fide superstar.
“Please Katie,” said Sumit. “Do you mind not scuffing my beautiful desk with your shoes.”
Bad Katie rolled her eyes moodily and kicked off her trainers, returning her feet, resplendent in their pink Bagpuss socks, to his desktop.
Sumit sniffed and screwed his eyes up. “Oh merry hell, when was the last time you took them off?”
Bad Katie shrugged. “No idea. Ooh, talking of ideas, I was watching an old sitcom the other day, called The Orifice.”
“I think you mean The Office.”
“Whatever. Anyway, that Rich Germface guy gave me an idea for a song — Nine Million Staplers in Reading!”
Sumit sighed. “Why did you have to spend so long at the Batt School of Musical Whimsy?”
“What do you mean? It's got hit written all over it.”
“You missed out the ’s’.”
“Well, at least I’m looking to move my career forward. You don’t seem to be doing much to help these days. Too busy fawning over your new girl band, what was it, the Flatulent Ferrets?”
“The Fragrant Fawns,” said Sumit wearily. “They are going viral right now so I have to take advantage of the opportunity. When’s the last time you went viral?”
“Covid, I think. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I’ll be going off grid for a while.”
She took a guitar pick out of her pocket, put it between two fingers and flicked it like a ninja star. It landed in Sumit’s coffee.
“Thanks for that. What do mean you’re going off grid?”
“I’m going glamping for a couple of weeks with my bestie, Polly.”
Sumit guffawed. “You? Camping?” He guffawed again.
“What?” said Bad Katie. “I said glamping, not camping.”
“Whatever you call it, you won’t last a day. Just make sure your phone is charged up so you can call to be rescued.”
“I’ll have you know I was a Brownie.”
“You mean a Townie.” He guffawed yet again.
“You’ll see. I’ll send you a selfie of me being at one with nature.”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
“I’ll be gliding carefree across a meadow.”
“What, dancing among the cowpats? Can’t wait. Go on, get out of here and get some country air in your lungs. Might improve your upper register.”
“I’ll improve yours if you’re not careful.”

“Well, didn’t take long to get here,” said Bad Katie. “I thought it was further away than this.”
Her bestie Polly, ashen-faced with an involuntary Munch’s ‘Scream’ expression, felt grateful to still be alive without being able to understand quite how she was. “That’s because you never once dropped below the speed limit the entire drive. No wonder they had to scrap your guest appearance on Top Gear — the Stig was shaking for two days after driving around that airfield with you.”
“Ha! Pretentious nonsense. It’s never the same bloke twice you know — we broke off filming for lunch and when we came back his white overalls and helmet looked the same but he was a good six inches taller and stank of Old Spice. Anyway, serves him right for trying to wind me up by putting Winehouse on the CD player. ”
“Oh yes, I remember that. You threw it out of the window like a frisbee and almost decapitated a swallow. Chris Packham called you an ‘irresponsible harpy’ and chucked a load of your CDs into a firepit.”
Bad Katie growled. “Yeah, releasing a ton of toxins from the burning plastic that probably gave every bird downwind cancer. And despite giving that swift martin a haircut I still managed to set a new lap record. Shame they discounted it on a technicality.”
“The technicality being that the driver was completely insane.”
“How very dare you. You know my I.Q. is higher than Einstein and Hawking put together.”
Polly rolled her eyes. “You’re getting I.Q. mixed up with album sales again.”
“Whatever. Right, I reckon this is the best spot. What fun.”
Bad Katie turned off the engine and folded her arms.
“Erm, where are the pods?” said Polly.
“What pods?” said Bad Katie. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You know, the little huts for sleeping in? Glamping pods?”
“Oh, those ugly things. Nah, I didn’t fancy sleeping in a shed with a big window so all the cows could gawp at us.”
“Well, I hope you packed a nice tent then.”
“What for? I’m an international superstar, do I look like I’d sleep on the floor under a big soggy bit of cloth?”
“So where are we going to sleep then?”
“Our accommodation should be here any minute. Should have been here already actually. I’ll need to have words with the driver.”
“Driver?” said Polly. “I expect he’s actually on time but unlike you thought it might be a good idea to stick to the speed limit.”
At that moment, a large luxury coach began to lumber up the field towards them.
“Katie, what's your tour bus doing here?”
Bad Katie rubbed her hands together. “How exciting. Let’s get glamping!”
Polly looked mystified. “You can’t glamp in a tour bus. How are we going to cook?”
“Cook? What do you mean, cook? I’m a star. Minions cook. I eat.”
“But it’s half the fun,” wailed Polly.
“Well you can have that half, I’ll have the other.”
The front door of the tour bus opened and Eric, Bad Katie’s favourite cabbie, emerged. Except she always called him Arnie. And he was no longer a cabbie since she’d given him a job as her tour bus driver. The pay wasn’t as good but the hours were better and she’d won him over with the allure of a rock’n’roll lifestyle and unlimited five per cent discount on all of her merch.
Bad Katie rushed out of the car and ran towards him, arms spread wide. Arnie grinned and prepared for a big hug but she ran straight past him and embraced the tour bus. “Oh, I’ve missed you, Tinkerbell.”
“Tinkerbell?” said Polly. “Who calls their tour bus Tinkerbell?”
“What would you call it?” said Arnie, gratefully accepting a quick hug from Polly instead.
“I dunno. The Bus? Anything but bloody Tinkerbell.”

That evening, Bad Katie and Polly were snuggled up in their onesies watching Katie’s videos on YouTube.
“Isn’t this fabulous?” said Bad Katie.
“Glamping at its finest,” said Polly.
There was a knock at the open door of the bus.
“Who the hell?” said Polly.
“Come on in,” said Bad Katie. “We’re starving.”
Zurab huffed and puffed into the bus carrying pizzas. He was sweating profusely.
“Hey bruv, what’s the matter with you?” said Bad Katie.
“I just got chased by a herd of crazed cows, had to run for my life. You should have seen the malice in their eyes. They’re demonic.”
Bad Katie chuckled. “Don’t be a drama queen and hand over the grub. Better still be hot.”
Polly looked at her incredulously. “You’ve got your brother to come all this way just to bring us pizza?”
“Don’t be dense,” said Bad Katie. “It would be stone cold. He collected it in the village.”
“You staying with us, Z?” said Polly.
“No, I’m not allowed.”
“Surely you’re not driving back home tonight?”
“Oh no, I’m staying at a B&B in the village with Eric the driver. Katie wants us both close by in case of emergencies.”
“What, like running out of gin?” said Polly.
“Polly! You wound me. Honestly, you can be so acidic sometimes. Besides, I’m going through a rum phase at the moment. Which reminds me, time to crack open the Kraken.”
Bad Katie reached into the locker above her head and pulled out a bottle of rum. “This is the new coffee-flavoured one. What a time to be alive!”
Polly sighed. “Indeed. Well, thanks for the pizzas, Z, and just watch out for those killer cows on the way back to the village.”
“Downhill all the way, they won’t see me for dust, see ya!”
“See ya, Z,” said Bad Katie, then took a huge bite of pepperoni passion and washed it down with a swig of rum. “MacDonald was right.”
“Huh?” said Polly.
“This is the life.”

“What a beautiful day!” said Polly. “What are we going to do?”
“Well I thought we’d explore this really cool gothic castle I heard about nearby.”
“Ooh great, is it far? I’m ready for a good hike in this glorious scenery.”
Bad Katie looked at her rather like a squirrel might if it suddenly realised it hated nuts. “Hike? What are you talking about for Batt’s sake?”
“Oh, erm, bike then?”
Bad Katie shook her head and tutted. Then she waved towards the edge of the field. A purple stretch limo began rolling up the hill towards them.
“What the actual hell?” said Polly.
“Right, lock up the bus, our ride’s here.”
“Ride?”
“I told the castle I was an A-lister and asked them to send suitable transport to collect us.”
“Haven’t really grasped the concept of camping, have you?”
“What do you mean? I almost stepped in something unmentionable on my way to the nail salon this morning.”
“Wait. Nail salon? What nail salon?”
“The one in the village. Quaint little place. I went this morning while you were snoring like a walrus. It’s actually the front room of a house. Neat way to save on overheads. She was a charming woman, though her accent was a bit suspect. She’s cheap though. And she does hair — she gave me my fringe back. Isn’t it great? Thanks for noticing.”
Polly closed her eyes. “Why do I even bother?”
“She has a sun bed too. You should go, you’re looking a bit pasty. Though from the smell in there I think she might be using it to make bacon rolls on the side — did I mention she has a little coffee shop in the back? Passable latte but divine strawberry and pomegranate cheesecake. She offered to give me the recipe but, you know, what the hell would I do with that?”
“You’ve had breakfast as well?”
Bad Katie laughed. “Oh that was just elevenses. I’d already had a full English at the hotel down the road.”
Polly put her hands on her hips. “So you won’t be joining me for a bowl of bran flakes with skimmed milk then?”
Bad Katie looked as though a dog had just passed between them and released a silent stink bomb. “If you want to pretend you’re in a Victorian prison go ahead but leave me out of that barbaric nonsense.”
“Guess I’m on my own with the spinach, matcha and horseradish smoothie too?”
“That doesn’t even justify a response. Just as well I got a double shot salted caramel latte with whipped cream and chocolate curls to go.”
“Well you may mock me all you like but I’m pretty sure our figures are heading in different directions.”
“Yes. You’re turning into a lizard.”
“You’re impossible sometimes. I’m going into the woods to hug trees and write a song about the melancholic life of a lonely dung beetle. You can go be Queen of your castle on your own.”
“Okay, see ya later!”

That evening, Bad Katie and Polly were back in their onesies tucking into the Indian food Arnie had just delivered to them.
“Have you ever thought about starting a family?” said Polly, nibbling at a naan.
Bad Katie almost choked on her chapati. “What! You mean have a sprog? Have you been on the mushrooms again?”
“It’s a wonderful thing, life-changing.”
“I have a wonderful life. Why would I want to change it?”
“But you see the world in a different way.”
“You see the inside of nappies.”
“Oh, that’s not so bad really.”
Bad Katie looked at Polly with considerably more disdain than mere words are able to convey. “Seriously? I’m all about fragrance. I don’t do stinks. Mind you, the contents of nappies is exactly what that lentil dhal you’re eating reminds me of.”
Polly grimaced. “Thanks.”
“Anyway, this camping lark has given me an idea for a song. Nine million mosquitoes in my tent. I can see the video now — I’m getting dragged around the field by a giant mosquito.”
“You really are tired of troubling the charts aren’t you? Besides, you haven’t been anywhere near a tent. You know, write about what you know and all that. How about ‘nine million takeaway boxes in my tour bus’?”
“Now you’re just being silly. Anyway, the mugs that follow my Instagram don’t know I haven’t been camping — I posted a pic of someone else’s tent but I never said it was mine, I just said isn’t camping fun.”
“Katie! How could you mislead your fans like that?”
“What do you mean? That’s all I’ve ever done. Besides, what have my fans ever done for me?”
“Erm, bought everything you’ve ever put out twice over and once more for good luck?”
Bad Katie shrugged.
Polly sighed. “Look, this has been a blast and everything, but do you think maybe we should head home tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” said Bad Katie. “Two nights roughing it in the countryside is enough for anyone, let’s get back to civilisation.”

Sumit looked surprised to find Bad Katie waiting for him when he returned to his office following a high level meeting about switching the filter coffee machine for a pod-based system.
“Katie? I thought you were going off grid for a few weeks.”
“Ah, well, I never specified how long.”
“And how was glamping then?”
“Been there, done that, about to sell the t-shirt on my merch site.”
“Really? That good eh?”
“No, it was rubbish, but I might as well make some money out of it.”
“Yes, I forgot what a money-grubbing leech you are.”
“That’s rich coming from you. Bet you’ll still want a cut of the proceeds from my ‘Katie’s Full Of Good In Tent!’ shirts, mugs and tote bags.”
“Absolutely.”
“Ha! Thought as much.”
Bad Katie leaped to her feet. “Right, must dash. Oh, I brought you that back.”
She pointed to a pizza box on his desk.
“You brought me back a pizza? How novel. Oh well, I’m starving. Thanks.”
Bad Katie grinned. “You’re welcome!”
She bolted out of the door.
Sumit rubbed his hands together then opened the pizza box to find a beautifully formed cowpat inside.
“KATIE!!!!”

I noticed quite a few gremlins had crept into the site while I was doing some maintenance over the weekend. A lot of picture sizes had been corrupted and were messing up the appearance of the web pages. I do apologise if it freaked you out. I've spent most of the last two days trawling through the entire site to weed out the pesky critters. One thing I have noticed is that in many of the old archive pages there are broken links and unavailable content. These, sadly, are beyond my control. They usually mean that the content has been removed or is no longer available from the original source, such as an Instagram post that is no longer there or a YouTube video that has been taken down. That's just what happens on the internet over time, and some of the archive pages go back 8 years. All original AAK content remains intact, and, let's face it, that's the good stuff!

Katie's fourth studio album, The House, turned 15 last week! It was a radical departure from anything she'd done before, being produced by William Orbit. Have a look at the weird and wonderful video for The Flood below.



And then perhaps find A Happy Place...



Then maybe watch a couple of videos about the making of the album...

Finally! One of the big name TV chefs has discovered Georgia at last. About time too! Jamie Oliver has been to Georgia and *Spoiler Alert* he falls in love with the food and the people. Well, that's not so much a spoiler alert as standard procedure for anyone that visits the gorgeous country. It's available on Channel 4 catchup at Jamie Cooks Georgia. Not to be missed (though how he missed an Adjaran khachapuri is beyond me).

In regards to the previous post, I reached out to Katie's team and the matter has now been resolved. On Saturday, August 16, Katie will be appearing in Odense, Denmark. Vestby, Norway, has been removed from the tour list on her web site and ticket links are no longer active. I would imagine that anyone who had actually booked a ticket for Vestby will have been refunded. No idea how all that came about but hey, all's well eh?

Dates keep getting added to Katie's summer tour in Europe, including the Autostadt Summer Festival in Germany on July 13 and the Festival Da Jazz in Switzerland on July 17. Details on the Tour page. However, there is some confusion over Saturday, August 16 when Katie appears to be in both Vestby, Norway and Odense, Denmark. Since these places are an 8-hour drive apart and even Katie, amazing as she is, can't be in two places at once, then something is amiss here. Tickets appear to be on sale for both events on that date. If you are thinking of going to one of these shows I'd be making enquiries direct to the venue as there's no information on Katie's web site.

A couple more European dates have been added to Katie's summer gigs. On July 15 she will be performing at Rockhal in Luxembourg. Ticket info here. Also, on July 25 she will be at the Ladies' Jazz Festival (how cool does that sound?) in Gdynia, Poland. Ticket info here.

Katie is returning to the Cheltenham Jazz Festival on Wednesday 30 April for the first time in 6 years. You may not get many chances to see her in the UK this year so I recommend you grab this one. However, there's a caveat. This isn't quite the same as her solo touring dates in that it is part of a large festival, and a jazz one at that. What does this mean for you? Well, mindful of the fact that many of the festival crowd are jazz fans, Katie may alter her set accordingly, with less modern stuff and a little more from her early albums where jazz and blues were more of an influence. I know some of her fans prefer the early stuff and if you are one of them this could be a rare opportunity for you to hear one or two tracks that don't often make her sets any more. The other big difference is the audience. Normally, the majority of people in the audience at Katie's shows are people that would call themselves fans but at the CJF you get a lot of people that attend a large number of shows over the course of the festival and there will be a many in the audience that have no particular affinity to Katie but are just curious to see something new. (In 2019, I met a few people who didn't know who she was and another who had her mixed up with Hayley Westenra for reasons I haven't been able to fathom to this day.) So the audience might be more polite than raucous but don't let that put you off because Katie never disappoints when she plays live.

Tickets are tricky for this one. They are available to members right now but won't go on sale to the general public until March 5th, by which time there may not be any left! If you really want to go you should sign up to be a member. It's worth it, and it's what I did six years ago. All the details in the link below.

Tickets available here.

A pic of Katie at CJF 2019. She wasn't playing a double-necked guitar, it's just Tim Harries stood behind her!

Another gig in Germany has been slotted into Katie's summer schedule of European shenanigans. Saturday, 12 July at Seebühne Bremen, Germany, will be the best place on Earth to be that night.

Tickets available here.

Unscramble the letters to reveal the title of a Katie track.

Katie has announced a couple of dates in Lithuania this summer. You don't have to take my word for this as you can see her announcement in the image below. I highly doubt that anyone in Lithuania has ever seen this web site. I also doubt that of the handful of fans who do drop by here from time to time there is anyone who had "visit Lithuania this summer" on their list of New Year resolutions and can't wait to book tickets to these shows, but just in case that miracle occurs, you can book tickets here. Those of you that merely like to keep tabs on what Katie is up to these days but wisely steer clear of social media, you're welcome.

Just a reminder about the very special item available on Katie's online store—the Live At The Royal Albert Hall screen prints, limited to 150 pieces, numbered and signed by Katie. They are made from a piece of fabric used to decorate the stage on the night of Katie's wonderful concert at the iconic London venue on May 23rd 2023. For any fan that was there that night, or indeed wanted to be but was unable to attend, this is a unique souvenir and a lasting memento to that special evening. There are still some left but once they are gone they are gone forever. Treat yourself, you're worth it.

Katie has released a few live albums over the years, and why shouldn't she? She is a phenomenal live performer after all. Now there is a shiny new addition to the list: Live At The Royal Albert Hall 16 May 2023. That's quite a mouthful, so you could just call it LATRAH like I do. Since she hasn't recorded any other live albums at The Royal Albert Hall you can safely skip the date without fear of confusion. As live Katie concert albums go, this one is extra special. Why? Because I was there! No, seriously, the clue is in the title. It must be a dream for any artist to perform at the iconic Royal Albert Hall in London. And to have that magical night forever preserved in grooves on vinyl (or, for the Gen Z's, 0s and 1s on some Cloud server somewhere) has got to be something to be proud of. And as special as it is for Katie, it is also special for me as it is the first time I've attended a concert that has been released as an album. It is kind of surreal to listen to it and know that you were in the audience that night. I've tried listening for my claps, whoops and hollers but they are a bit hard to filter out from a thousand other people clapping, whooping and hollering. Had I known we were being recorded I might have let rip with some of my much lauded yodeling, though in truth it might have led to me being ejected from the building by burly boys in black. Anyway, if Santa was an utter curmudgeon and failed to pop a copy of this joyous album down your chimney the other day then I suggest you tell him to shove his list somewhere and go buy the record for yourself. It's available from the usual places but as always I encourage you to buy it direct from Katie's online store. For those of you that would like to read a review first, it is bloody brilliant. There.

It's the most wonderful time of the year again, In Winter time! No album has ever captured winter more perfectly than Katie's masterpiece but if you are looking for a slightly more Christmas-centric collection then might I recommend A Very Katie Christmas. This Spotify playlist is a carefully curated collection of Katie songs to help put you in a festive frame of mind. Let the Yule vibe commence!

The new live album recorded at the Royal Albert Hall will be released in just a few days, and hopefully you've all pre-ordered it already. I thought it worth pointing out that if you haven't visited Katie's merch store recently you should—there's a SALE NOW ON! A few half-price treasures still available including the best album tee ever, the blue In Winter. With its sublime iconic artwork replicating the album cover, this shirt is stunning and once they're gone they're gone for good...

Katie will be performing at Kurpark Classix, Aachen, Germany on Saturday 30th August 2025. Tickets available HERE.

Katie will be performing at Den Fynske Landsby, Odense, Denmark on Saturday 16th August 2025. Tickets available HERE.

Katie will be performing at OverOslo 2025 at Grefsenkollen, Oslo, Norway on Thursday 19th June 2025. Tickets available HERE.

Katie has announced some new merchandise available to pre-order on her store. Anyone lucky enough to see her at the Royal Albert Hall last year (😎) will want a copy of her new live album, which was recorded that very evening. Anyone unlucky enough not to be there will want a copy to see, well, hear what they missed. And if you want to treat a special Katie fan (which you may consider yourself) to something unique then you can splash out on a gorgeous screen print on material nicked procured from the stage display that evening.

AI generated images can be fun and even useful at times but, like any AI, they are not to be trusted. They don’t let you generate images of specific people but they let you cheat by creating a generic person and letting you ‘face-swap’ with a picture of anyone. So you can create an image of someone that isn’t actually them. The A of AI is artificial, which is an accurate description of this image, but the I is meant to be intelligence and it is clearly lacking in that. At a casual glance, this looks like a nice photo but study the hands on the knee—there appear to be at least four! Is someone crouching behind the bench? AI can be really creepy! This is the dawn of a new technology though and it will only get better. Sooner or later we will no longer know if we can believe anything we see online.

Katie performed with the BBC Symphony Orchestra in Manchester last night. Intrepid Extreme Fan Angela Tester was there to witness the magic.

Someone recently asked me a simple and innocent question that took me completely by surprise and left me utterly bewildered. It was simply this: “what’s your favourite song?”. Over the years I’ve been asked many times who’s my favourite singer or band (really easy, who d’ya think?), occasionally even favourite album (trickier, but I could probably manage it), but favourite song? Who asks that? Who even knows that? It’s almost an impossible question. Casually put on the spot like that there was no way I could come up with any kind of answer. The question played on my mind for the rest of the day and I was still nowhere close to answering it. Over the ensuing weeks it kept popping into my mind like a persistent accusation impatiently tapping its foot and telling me “I’m still waiting.” Still I was unable to decide on response.

The question was really eating me alive and I was no closer to working it out. Eventually I decided to try a methodical approach. I created a new Spotify playlist called “Favourite Songs” with the aim of adding the handful of contenders on the shortlist so I could perform a kind of shootout to find a winner. Within a couple of hours my shortlist had grown to 28 songs and I had no doubt there were others that should be on there that I’d shamefully forgotten about. Indeed, another one popped into my head as I was writing that last sentence. It was only a matter of time before my search for number one turned into a Top 50. I’m sure there are many people that could instantly answer this question, some might even say it was easy, but I’ve never been particularly decisive when confronted with overwhelming choices—I can remember my mother’s frustrated pleas for me to just choose something as we stood in a sweet shop. But is it really so difficult? After all, no one is saying if you pick a favourite song that is the only one you are allowed to listen to for the rest of your life. Or that you can’t change your mind the next day, and the next day after that. It is not an important question, merely making small talk. It’s just that it feels like an important question, one for which we should have an answer prepared in case we are asked. I’m glad I’ll never be asked to go on Desert Island Discs, I know that much.

I wonder how you, dear reader, would answer the impossible question. Would you be able to matter-of-factly instantly state your favourite song or would you too be like a child let loose in a toy store but only allowed to choose one toy? As I stared in contemplative desperation at my almost certainly incomplete playlist of contenders I felt I had to have a go at whittling it down to at least a proper shortlist. As I scanned the titles the ones I was sure I couldn’t leave out were:

• If You Could Read My Mind (Gordon Lightfoot)
• Tangled Up In Blue (Bob Dylan)
• Fast Car (Tracy Chapman)
• The Queen and the Soldier (Suzanne Vega)
• What I Miss About You (Katie Melua)
• Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon and Garfunkel)

I thought I had managed to keep it down to five but then I realised I couldn’t leave out “Bridge Over Troubled Water”. But what about “Streets of London,” “Across the Universe”, “Moon River”, "Stardust", “Vincent”, “Scarborough Fair”… Meanwhile, the playlist had grown to 31. “Stairway to Heaven”, “Hotel California”, “Wichita Lineman”, “Never Let Her Slip Away”. Oh dear, I need to call Tom Cruise because this is turning out to be an impossible mission. What about “The Impossible Dream”? This is more like an impossible nightmare. How could I forget Matt Monro? If you haven’t heard “On Days Like These” you need to, it is sumptuous. Where will this end? It was a simple, throwaway question yet the more I think about it the more undecided I become. Force me to pick one. Go on, just do it. Right, okay, “If You Could Read My Mind”. There. Done. Trouble is, if you could read my mind you’d know I’m already thinking of changing it. Time to quit while I’m ahead!

An interesting aside: if you were to ask me my favourite Katie Melua song that would be easy—“Heading Home”. Now, if any of you were paying attention, which seems unlikely, you might pick up on the fact there is a Katie song in my top six above and it isn’t “Heading Home”. How does that work? I’ve no idea, I’m just weird. The thing is, there’s not really any logic to any of this. “What I Miss About You” resonates with me on a personal level yet it is a very real, honest song that many can identify with. “Heading Home” is less personal for me and more about a nostalgic longing for something I don’t have, and have never really had, yet never stopped looking for. It’s a beautiful song and the easily missed church bells ringing at the end never fail to break me. An understated masterpiece. But “favourite song” and “favourite Katie Melua song” feel like two very different questions. When all is said and done, the great thing is you don’t have to declare a favourite. It isn’t law. If asked the question again I would begin “well, I have many favourites, too many to mention, but I can give you a few examples if you consider it important, otherwise please don’t ask me impossible questions again”.

Music is magic. I’m sure most of us can agree on that. Music can inspire us, motivate us, enhance our mood, heal our spirits, ease our pain and take us to places beyond our imagination in our minds. But music is only able to weave this magic in our brains because of an evolutionary miracle: sound. Of all human senses, sound is the first one we experience—our eyes don’t open for some time after our birth but we experience sound even before we are born, which is why some pregnant mothers choose to play Mozart loud so that their child will gain a head start in becoming a cultured academic. Who knows to what extent this actually works but there is no doubt an unborn child can experience sound, no matter how muffled it might be.

Human ears are biological microphones. Think about that for a moment, because it is truly amazing. The microphones we use to record or amplify our voices convert disturbances in air pressure into electrical signals. Our ear drums do the same thing, converting variations in air pressure into signals our brains can process and interpret as sound. They do this with exquisite precision. Sound is a vibration of air molecules causing pressure waves that sensitive equipment such as microphones and ears can detect. The seemingly infinite variety of sounds we can hear are the result of differences in frequency and amplitude of the sound waves. If you have ever seen an oscilloscope display of microphone input you will know it is an ever-changing jagged line that seems impossible to make sense of. Yet our brains can do just that. Even a complex tangle of multiple sounds, such as a symphony orchestra, can be picked apart and made sense of by our remarkable brains. All those instruments reach our ears in a mass disturbance of air pressure yet we can pick out violins, pianos, oboes and so on. Hearing is truly a superpower. And it is that superpower that allows us to experience the magic of music.

Evolution is such an astonishing thing. If you go far enough back in time there was a point where no living thing had hearing. Whatever creatures roamed the earth did so in complete silence. That’s not to say there was no sound—there has always been sound where there is an atmosphere, it’s just that there was no way to detect it. It is likely that loud noises such as thunder could be felt through vibrations in the bodies of early animals but it would have been a vague sensation, perhaps like that of the baby in the womb. But over time, genetic mutations by chance created ever more sophisticated sound detection systems. Of course, there are many creatures that have better hearing than humans, or at least very different. Bats have a built-in sonar system that allows them to fly at great speed without bumping in to anything despite being virtually blind. Owls have one ear higher up their skull than the other—a perfect example of evolution in action: a random mutation caused an owl to be born way back when with non-symmetrical ears but this seemingly unfortunate creature suddenly had a superpower. Because its ears were aligned differently each ear heard sounds slightly differently and this enabled the owl to pinpoint the source of sounds far more accurately. This made it a far more effective hunter and hence the owl and its offspring thrived. That’s evolution in a nutshell—a random mistake in copying the DNA of something leads to a mutation, or adaptation, that accidentally gives that thing some kind of advantage over others of its kind, an advantage that is passed on through generations until the adaptation is widespread throughout the species. The key thing is that if a mutation changes something that puts the organism at a disadvantage instead then the organism will die out—hence the phrase “survival of the fittest”. That’s why evolution. over thousands of years, only makes things better and better—only beneficial adaptations are successful in spreading through the gene pool.

Human ears may not be sophisticated enough to hear a mouse sneeze in a field of barley but I’m not fussed about that—if I fancy a snack I’ll just head for the kitchen. What human ears are really good at is listening to music in stereo and that is a gift we should never take for granted for the ability to appreciate music is one of the wonders of being alive. Sound really is a miracle.

Katie is unwell and has had to cancel tonight's show in Wolfsburg. Disappointing for all concerned of course, but health comes above all else in life and we wish her a speedy recovery. Here is her message in case you missed it:

Rhyming is an odd thing isn’t it? Why do humans find rhymes pleasing? I wonder who was the first person that spoke a couple of sentences and thought “ooh, that sounded good, it rhymed!”. Except, of course, the word “rhyme” wouldn’t have existed at that point. So somebody had to notice that similar sounding words had a good effect on the brain and somebody had to come up with a word to describe it.

The thing is, if rhyming is such a pleasing thing to do then why don’t we do it all the time in our everyday speech? Why is it largely reserved for poems and songs? It is all quite mysterious, and makes me feel delirious.

Well, I suppose for one thing rhyming is something of a skill. It comes easy to some people but very few could constantly rhyme all of the time. Poets and lyricists can take as long as they want to write their carefully crafted words. Another thing is that rhyming seems to be best enjoyed in small doses. If everyone spoke in rhyme it would quickly become irritating and lose whatever magical power it has.

How do you decide when and where to rhyme? The simple answer is that it is purely the artist’s choice. Lyricists try to use rhymes more often than not. Poets seem more open to writing poetry that doesn’t rhyme. I think with poems, the meter and structure is more important and sometimes using rhyme can be a distraction from the meaning of the words. Also, rhyming has an air of whimsy about it that doesn’t quite fit with serious topics. With lyrics, the song is intended to be delivered by a performing artist and rhymes seem to be more pleasing to a collective audience listening rather than an individual reading in silence. There are no rules to any of it, and hence no rules to break, so anything goes. When a song is being sung, rhymes are rather like punchlines to a joke in that they give a sense of completeness, a satisfying closure to a group of words. Without rhyme, you have to work harder to derive pleasure from the song—there is no superficial auditory fix so you have to listen to and interpret the lyrics more, as you do when reading a poem. When listening to music, people rarely want to work that hard.

There are many ways to rhyme. In its simplest form, the second line rhymes with the first:

On a cold dark night, you came to me 
such a sight for my eyes to see

A common form is for a four-line verse with the second and last lines rhyming:

When you walked into my life
upon that fateful morning
I wondered if I’d missed the signs
that might have been a warning

Also common, but trickier to write, is first and third, second and fourth:

Why do we feel the need to rhyme?
Especially in a song
It’s something we do all the time
So it really can’t be wrong

I looked at you and felt so proud
as people sang your praise
I hid amongst the gathered crowd
my eyes in tearful haze

Rhyming words don’t have to be placed on different lines or at the end of a line—even when they are placed together they still give a pleasing hit to the brain.

Deep in the night I struggle to fight
the demons that lurk within me

at times like these you make me feel alive 
which is why I strive to be the best man I can be

Sometimes a lazy lyricist will take a ‘close enough’ attitude and use words that look as though they rhyme or rhyme as long as you mispronounce one of the words slightly. Here is an example of a lyric that looks as though it rhymes but clearly doesn’t (unless you happen to be Scottish):

I knew that it would be no good
I really wasn’t in the mood

One other form I want to mention is the limerick. These five-line poems are often humorous, crude or cruel but they have a pleasing rhyming pattern of A-A-B-B-A. It’s a format that is rarely used in song lyrics but there’s no reason why it couldn’t be—with a sweet melody it could be a lovely combination but equally could sound like a bunch of limericks set to music, which is probably why so few attempt it.

There once was a lady called Alice
who drank from a poisoned chalice
some welcomed the sight
of her dire fate that night
because she was so full of malice

If you find rhyming difficult you can buy a rhyming dictionary and there are also web sites that will find rhyming words for you. One tip I’d suggest is if you can’t think of a good word to rhyme with your chosen word, then try using a different chosen word. For example, if you start with “she wore a dress of orange…” you might find yourself stumped, but if you change it to “she wore a dress of tangerine…” you’d have options such as “guaranteed to cause a scene”.

I hope you’ve had a little fun
but now my piece on rhymes is done!

A new single from Anglo-Swedish band Alberta Cross features Katie on vocals. The track is called Lucy Rider and was written by Petter Ericson Stakee, who, as some of you may know, has co-written a few tracks with Katie in recent years. Well worth a listen.

I think I've mentioned this before, but have you ever wondered how Katie chooses her concerts? I imagine it to be somewhere along the lines of:

Agent: Katie, I think I might have a gig lined up for you.
Katie : Is it in a drop-dead gorgeous location?
Agent: Well, as it happens, yes, it is.
Katie: I'll do it.

That would certainly explain why she's avoided Lincolnshire her whole career. Anyway, the point here is Katie will be performing at the Ravnedalen Live 2024 Festival in Norway on Wednesday 17 July, which is just two days before she's in Switzerland for a couple of shows in Zürich (see what I mean about locations?). Should you be lucky enough to be able to attend and spend a wonderful day at the Ravnedalen Valley Nature Park then you can poke around for tickets HERE.

Katie will be performing in Germany on Sunday 30 June at Wolfsburg as part of the Autostadt Sommerfestival 2024. For tickets go here.

Spotify is evolving all the time and has now jumped on the AI bandwagon. Actually, they've been using it for a while and already have a "DJ" function which tries to give you music it thinks you might like accompanied by interludes of cheesy banter in an American accent. If you're not too discerning it can work quite well and even help you discover new artists you like. But every now and then it'll throw something like Rick Astley at you and you'll be like "seriously?". But now there is a more specific use of AI for you to experiment with in the form of AI Playlists. At the moment it is still a beta function and available on phone apps only, to Premium subscribers.

To generate an AI playlist you touch the 'Your Library' icon at bottom right of your phone screen and then the '+' button top right. A pop up menu will then give you the options to create a new playlist, one of which is 'AI Playlist'. When you select this you will be asked for a prompt. This is where you can get as creative and specific as you want. The more detail you provide, the more the AI has to work with and the better your results should be. You could just type 'give me Katie Melua songs' but that would be a bit too general since you might as well just search Katie Melua and play her artist page shuffled. I typed 'give me Katie Melua songs to make me feel happy when I'm feeling a bit sad'. AI generated a playlist called "Katie Melua: Feel Good", which you can check out below.

The AI always seems to generate playlists of 30 songs, with about two hours of playing time. That's fair enough. As for its choices, well, it's complicated. It isn't merely picking a bunch of Katie's songs at random but in theory is basing its selection on my particular listening history. That means that if you ask it to generate a playlist with the exact same prompt I used you would almost certainly get a completely different playlist. As to how well it matches my prompt, you have to accept that it was a rather vague instruction for it to work with. I don't really see how it can be expected to know which Katie songs will make me feel good when I'm down (for the record, pretty much all of them!) so it is hard to judge the results. Certainly, a lot of my favourites are in there but so too are a few I probably wouldn't have picked if I'd been creating this playlist manually. If I ask myself whether this playlist would fulfil the remit of making me feel good if I was sad then I would conclude absolutely it would. The caveat is I didn't give it a difficult goal to achieve and I can't really see any way in which it might have failed dismally.

In the interests of giving the AI a more challenging task, I asked it to create a playlist of quiet and relaxing songs for a calm Sunday morning. Now this is where it gets more interesting. Not specifying a particular artist gives the AI infinitely more options. Again, it succeeded in giving me exactly what I wanted. There were no tracks in the playlist that jarred with the remit and it is definitely a playlist I would use. There are songs and artists I'd never heard of in there but most interesting was the larger than expected amount of artists I had heard of. Some of these are obscure enough for me to realise that this list was genuinely constructed just for me based on artists I have listened to in the past as well others that it correctly anticipated I would probably like despite them being new to me. This is the real genius of AI. It can get to know you better than you know yourself. If a friend recommends music to you it is usually biased towards what they like rather than what they know you to like. AI knows every song you've played on Spotify and how often, and it can compare your choices with those of every other Spotify user to analyse what people who mostly listen to similar music to you listen to that you don't and hence form recommendations that stand a good chance of hitting the mark. It won't always get it right but the more music you listen to the more complete a picture the AI can get of your tastes and therefore the more likely it will be to succeed. Here is my "Sunday Morning Serenity" playlist, generated by AI. Note track 2, which beautifully fits my request but, as a piece by a Georgian composer performed by a Georgian concert pianist, is highly specific to my own listening history and I doubt would make it on to any generic "Sunday Morning Serenity" playlist. For me, it was proof positive that the AI was tailoring this list specifically to me.

I decided to give the AI one more challenge. I asked it to create a playlist of quiet instrumental music I could use as inspiring background music for writing. Once again, I was perfectly happy and surprised with the "Writing Atmosphere" playlist it gave me. This one is definitely based on my personal choices. I have an existing playlist of Writing Music with over 1300 tracks on it and I have no doubt the AI has noticed that, along with my general predilection for ambient music. This playlist has a much higher proportion of artists already known to me but the most interesting thing here is that AI could easily have fished all 30 tracks from my Writing Music playlist. That would certainly have been an easy choice and a safe bet for success. It didn't do that. It has again successfully integrated a few new artists into the list and not one of its choices has caused me to hit the three dots and delete the track from the playlist. So, that's three attempts at AI playlists and all three are keepers. We are still barely scratching the surface of what AI can do for us but one thing is for certain: it is here to stay and it is going to become ever more ubiquitous and powerful. Whether you find that scary or exhilarating you'd best buckle up for the ride. The genie is out of the bottle...

It is tulip season once more and there is no finer variety then tulip Katie Melua with its deep pink hue and heavily fringed petals. I have mentioned them before but they are not easy to find so I thought I would share with you the link to the Dutch grower that created them so you can grow them too! Head off to Ligthart Flowerbulbs to order yours.

Never mind whiskers on kittens, Katie and pizza are two of my favourite things. If I could only choose one... don't make me do that! The only thing that could improve this photo would be a green-haired space witch from the Orion Nebula eating an ice cream next to Katie. Sadly, that's never likely to happen, is it? Oh, hang on a minute...

(Warning: parts of this image may or may not have been generated by AI.)

Looks like Katie is giving the Aussies a right treat down under at Bluesfest!

If you fancy a trip to stunning Switzerland, and why wouldn't you, or if you live in stunning Switzerland, and why wouldn't you, then you could go and see Katie in concert in Zürich in July, and why wouldn't you? She'll be performing at the Kongresshaus (roughly translated, Congress House) on Friday 19th and Saturday 20th July. Ticket links can be found on the "On Tour" page, which can be found by clicking "On Tour" in the menu panel on the left (I'm sure you already knew that but if you didn't you do now).

Ambient music plays a massive role in my life. Whenever I am writing I have ambient music playing in the background. I have tried writing in silence and, for me, it simply doesn’t work. I hear the clock ticking, road noise, dogs barking and even my own breathing—all of which are extremely distracting to the creative process. Ambient music, played at low to medium volume, does two things for me. Firstly, it masks the sounds of silence, those annoying little noises that you only really notice when you are trying to surround yourself with quiet, and secondly, it feeds my creativity. Many writers need absolute peace and quiet to work but there also some that absolutely cannot work without music on in the background. Some swear by nature sounds such as wind, rain or tinkling streams (which I find can get a little too monotonous). Some can even create whilst listening to heavy metal, though I have no idea how. I find ambient music to have that perfect blend of being unobtrusive and inconspicuous but at the same time interesting and evocative. Indeed, Brian Eno, who is credited with popularising the term ‘ambient music’, has described it as music that should be “as ignorable as it is interesting”, and that is about as succinct a definition as you could ever hope for.

Quite why ambient music should spark my creativity is one of the great mysteries of the human mind. It just does. It acts like a pilot light to my creative flame and without it the flame dies. Perhaps one of the key things about ambient music is that it can lack structure, beat or even melody. One thing the brain seems to pick up on is repetition. Humans appear to be hard-wired to detect patterns of any kind and normally when we listen to music it is these repeated beats and melodies we find pleasing. With ambient music, repetition can be a distraction because your brain starts waiting for and looking forward to the repeat. I have found that even with very minimalist ambient music, such as Jean Michel Jarre’s amazing “Waiting For Cousteau”, if you listen to it enough your brain can pick up on certain sounds and begin to anticipate them when you listen to the track again. Both Jarre and Eno have developed apps that can generate endless ambient music that in theory never repeats itself but I personally find the lack of human touch takes something away from the music, and there is also the worry that you may hear a sequence you find amazing but know you will never hear it again. My solution to the problem of repetition is one that has been made possible by modern streaming apps such as Spotify—playlists. My “writing music” playlist currently has 1461 songs, or a total of 177 hours of music, and I always play it on shuffle so it can be a long time before I hear the same track twice!

This is all very well, you are probably not thinking, but where does Aerial Objects come in? The thing is, Aerial Objects is described as ambient music and, in my mind at least, it isn’t. It is gorgeous, sublime music, just not ambient. The reason why is that it contains lyrics. Obviously, I think Katie has the best voice in the world, hence this web site, but even her gorgeous vocals have no place within my definition of ambient. It doesn’t matter how softly and subtly the words are sung, they are still words and your brain homes in on them like beacons. As soon as you hear a human uttering vocabulary your brain stands to attention and has to listen to understand what is being communicated. And when you are in the business of trying to communicate with words of your own, listening to other voices is a distraction. There are many examples of artists that have transgressed this “law”, including Eno himself, who has released tracks of ambient music that contain some lyrics, and all of these tracks have been excluded from my playlist for the same reason—hearing a human voice breaks my train of thought. The one exception is choral music such as the Gori Women’s Choir or Gregorian chants, which I can listen to whilst writing, though in small doses, but that is because the voice is being used purely as an instrument rather than a means of communicating information (okay, that isn’t technically true but I don’t understand Latin and my Georgian is very limited so any lyrics in this kind of music are interpreted by my brain as being exotic sounds rather than language).

So, Aerial Objects is not included in my Writing Music playlist. Quite simply, when Katie sings I have to listen! But if AO isn’t ambient, then what is it? Beautiful. I don’t know, does it have to be pigeon-holed? The playlists I have included it on are “Chillout” and “Ultimate Calm”, which are for when I’m relaxing, not writing. Feel free to label it however you want, but hopefully we can agree that it is a brilliant album.

Funny I was talking about September Song in my last post because now you'll have the chance to hear Katie sing in September! She'll be performing on Saturday, 14th September in Manchester Opera House as part of the BBC Radio 2 Piano Room Live concerts. Usually, the studio versions of Piano Room mean two or three songs but presumably if you're booking the Manchester Opera House and the BBC Concert Orchestra to perform with the artist then you'd hope to give them a bit longer than that. Since it is the BBC you'd expect the shows to be recorded, at least for radio, so they may be available to listen to later in the year but if you want to witness Katie's performance for yourself then you can obtain tickets from gigsandtours.com.

If you haven't seen Katie live you really need to as she never disappoints.

Following on from the last article, I wanted to mention September Song. This is one that I have always wanted to hear Katie record and guess what! She has! Kind of. There is just a demo version, made right back at the start of her career. Sadly, for whatever reason, it never made the cut for Call Off The Search, or even B-Sides for that matter, and this tantalising taste of what might have been has been gathering dust in a dark cupboard for two decades. It finally escaped out into the world as a bonus track on the 20th Anniversary Edition of COTS.

The song was written by Kurt Weill and Maxwell Anderson for the 1938 Broadway musical, Knickerbocker Holiday. It may not be the most famous of musicals but this song at least has become a standard of the Great American Songbook. And you know a song is good when it has been covered by the likes of Frank Sinatra (and also his Rat Pack buddies, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr.), Ella Fitzgerald and Nat King Cole. Its roots as a song from a musical are evident in the lengthy introduction verse, which can leave you impatient to get to the proper melody itself. Sinatra draws this out to an almost tedious minute and a half, whilst Fitzgerald gets it over in half that time. Eartha Kitt speaks it but breezes through in thirty seconds. Nat King Cole dispenses with it altogether, preferring a piano introduction. His version is probably my favourite. Katie takes 50 seconds to get to the point in her demo version and perhaps the fact that the track is slow to get going was a factor in it not being used. You'd have to ask Mike Batt. But I feel if she'd been given an arrangement similar to Cole or Davis Jr, i.e. launching in to the main part of the song after a short instrumental intro, then the song would have worked better for her at that time. If she were to revisit the song today and arrange it in her own way I'd back her to absolutely nail it whatever her approach, and I really hope she does go back to it at some point. If I were making the rules I'd put it in law that Katie must do an album of American Standards at some point in her career and September Song must be on it. But I don't make the rules so all we can do is wait and hope and, for now at least, make do with a dusted-off demo.

You have to consider yourself lucky when your favourite singer covers some of your favourite songs and in this regard Katie has rather spoilt me with her versions of Bridge Over Troubled Water, Fields Of Gold, Stardust, Wonderful Life and Here, There And Everywhere. In recent times she has focussed on writing her own material, and rightly so because she is a great songwriter, but the thought never strays far from my mind that she is such a gifted interpreter of songs and I’m always hearing songs and wondering how they would sound if Katie covered them. I’m fortunate in a way because I’m so attuned to Katie’s voice that I can close my eyes and actually imagine her performing certain songs. This is an interesting exercise because it allows me to assess whether a particular song would suit her or not. (It is the lyrics that don’t suit her more often than the music).

So, if I were to get lucky one more time and hear Katie perform one of my favourite songs, which should it be? I have a list that grows longer by the day! It hasn’t been easy but I’ve narrowed it down to three choices. The first two are gems that go under the radar too often and haven’t been covered enough. “If You Could Read My Mind” by Gordon Lightfoot and “Streets Of London” by Ralph McTell. Both of these songs are a blend of great lyrics and gorgeous melodies and they both would suit Katie’s vocals as well as her guitar picking style. I have no doubt whatsoever that Katie would deliver stunning versions of either of them. My third choice is more of a wildcard: “The Windmills Of Your Mind”. This lovely song was composed by Michel Legrand with lyrics by Alan and Marilyn Bergman and was first heard in the 1968 movie “The Thomas Crown Affair”, where it was sung by Noel Harrison. It has been covered many times by artists such as Dusty Springfield, Barbra Streisand, Elaine Paige and even Sting. Yet it would be fascinating to hear Katie have a crack at it with just vocals and guitar since most versions tend to have orchestral arrangements even though the melody and lyrics are strong enough for a stripped back rendition.

That’s my shortlist then. No doubt you have many songs you’d like to hear Katie sing too. For now, let’s just keep on wishing and hoping. Who knows, perhaps one of us will get lucky in future.

Goodness me, what a treat was served at the recent Grammys Award Show! Luke Combs scored a surprise number 1 with Tracy Chapman's iconic and timeless song, Fast Car, last year (Chapman had only reached number 6 herself back in 1988) and dragged the elusive, some say reclusive, singer/songwriter back into the limelight. She rarely performs these days but somehow was persuaded to duet with Combs to perform the song live at this years' Grammys show. It was nothing short of stunning. Chapman sounds as good as ever, whilst Combs voice complements hers perfectly. The respect he shows for her and this song, which in his words was "his favourite song before he knew what a favourite song was", is clear for all to see—his cover remained faithful to the music and lyrics to the extent he even sings the line "I work in the market as a checkout girl"—and there is a beautiful moment during their performance where Tracy is singing solo and Luke is gazing at her and, oblivious to the audience, begins mouthing the words along with her. Fast Car has long been one of my favourite songs and this special performance is one I shall never forget.

Katie has added gigs in Sydney and Melbourne on 3rd and 4th April respectively to her appearances at the Byron Bay Bluesfest, effectively turning her trip down under into a mini tour. Perhaps not of interest to those of us in the Northern Hemisphere but lovely for our upside-down friends on the other side of the planet to see her live for the first time in nearly two decades.

Katie has been involved with the soundtrack of a new Polish movie, The Peasants. UK cinema releases are very limited but you can watch the movie on Sky or Apple TV+. Visit The Peasants to find out more. If you want to listen to Katie's track, End Of Summer, the Spotify link is below.

Katie is heading down under in March to play three gigs at the Byron Bay Bluesfest, a five-day music festival in Australia. Now, I'm not aware of anyone in Australia that visits this site and for any of us Europeans a trip to Oz to see Katie perform would not be a trivial expedition but hey, I thought you'd like to know what she was up to. She'll be performing on Friday 29th March, Sunday 31st March and Monday 1st April (and you'd be a fool to miss that). Conveniently, that gives her the Saturday off so she'll be free to take in the one performance of the absolute icon that is Sir Tom Jones. I trust she'll be able to enjoy that without feeling the need to launch underwear in his direction. I would hope that any of Tom's fans attending Katie's shows would reciprocate that restraint and keep their budgie-smugglers to themselves.